sold "as is"

I title this only because you just have to accept people for who and what they are... after an outing with my friends and hearing this and that I feel like my attitude toward friendships i handle more like a guy. i'm not with all the fussing and making sure we speak everyday... just know that i'm there whenever you need me... when i mean whenever i mean it. i wrote this blog after a night out on the town...
Man last night was a trip. I can't believe how fake some people can be. I def try not to become a part of the gossip that goes on between my friends. I try my hardest to stay mutual and in good standing with them. Its only right... Some of my friends I can always count on... Some I wish I counted on more because they are always there... I just don't see it. Others try to be but judge my every step... Then talk about me to others not realizing the only person they are hurting are themselves.
I'm a different kind of friend tho...I've def learned some things so I see thing differently. If I came down to it I would give the shirt off my back for one of my girls, even if they wouldn't for me! I would just hope that I'm not one of those people that seem intimidating in any way. Maybe that's not the word I'm looking for... I would hope people could come to be about anything. Its not always fun having to talk about something that someone did/does that's bothers you but its healthy and helps build a relationship. Although I know I haven't been taking my own advice 100% but its odd that everyone wants to claim to be "grown" but cant/don't handle situations as so... I guess that's part of "growing up"....

just a thought

so i'm posting this a day after i wrote it... i was happy where i was until i found out some shit. but you know when your with someone you still kinda maybe have thoughts about someone you cant really talk about. well these are those but...

I feel like I always start off my blogs with saying sooooo... Lol. I just do. Ima need to change that. Anywho... I've been thinking about this year and all that I have been through. People who I wanted to trust and couldn't, things I set out to do that never got accomplished... The workout plan that was supposed to make me into a total knockout... Haha. Some thing just don't work out. Some things you just have no control over and some you do... Especially guys. Ugh.
There is one guy that I feel like is one that I totally over looked, took for granted and lost for good. That sucks. I'm not really used to rejection... No one is but I didn't really get rejected I think. What happened was that I was dealing with him and someone else @ the same time... I thought that the person I met first was someone worth holding on to and although he was as well I kinda just put him on the back burner. What sucks about this is that guy #1 is a great guy but isn't really giving me what I want and or need. There are still unanswered questions and awkward moments that I don't really know how to solve or even if I want to. With guy #2... Where do I start? He is fine. Definition of TALL, DARK (yum) and HANDSOME... The perfect mix of nice, sexy, sweet, romantic, aggressive... Did I mention sexy. Ugh. How could I be soooooo dumb??!?!? Anywho... I guess what he said to me was that it seemed like I wanted something more serious than what he may have wanted @ the time... Totally wrong might I add. But he slowly backed away and made himself MIA until I confronted him about it... That hurt me. After he was gone of course I realized he was probably one of the best/total packages I had ever met... Although I feel like my husband, granted if I ever do get married, will be west indian but he was (still is ) the acception... Too bad I think about him all the damn time and run into his friends while I'm out. I just want to grab one of them and be like, "SPILL THE SCOOP MAN!! WTF HAPPENED??" That wouldn't work... It wouldn't help because I hate when people do that to me and ultimately it is his choice who he talks to...

kinda old stuff

this is from a couple weeks ago when i went to the MVA and DC Courts to get my DL back in full swing...

- phew. God is def good... I had to go to traffic court again today. I swear I've been "ridin dirty" like since forever. I'm a great driver tho. Never been in an accident... *knocks on wood* hopefully I won't ever be in one... But I like DC court system, they give you time to remedy the situation before they throw you in the slammer. Makes perfect sense to me. The guy that checked me in today was soooo nice and 1539539% helpful! Bless his soul. I could tell he loved his job too. I like pleasant people like that... unknowingly it makes other ppl around them happy...

i'mmmm bizzaccckk

wow. so i def haven't blogged in forever. eek. not good. since April... yikes. i think they should of canceled my account for that one. either way it feels great to be back and to have tons to write about. I wouldn't go as far to say that so much has changed but I can say that my perspective on things have changed... pretty much about love & relationships. for the better tho.
since April ive fallen back from some people and certain things. ive been blessed to meet some people who have been a great influence on me and that i can say will remain in my life for a long time. that always makes me feel good. reassures me i'm not that big of an asshole or that people can handle that part of me. I'm not gonna go on a blog rampage for the day cuz thats wack. trying . so i'll limit myself to 2 today.

turning over a new leaf

so i live by saying " learn from your mistakes"... but when you keep making the same ones over again and people just give you a slap on the hand, you aren't really learning much. I'm def guilty of that. Being the baby in the family kind of gives me some special right of passage to mess up and just be forgiven... or so i thought. Either way... I suppose i've run my passage into the ground and my customers aren't buying it anymore. I knew this day would come but i didnt know at what cost.
so i've managed to hurt people i love. I have the worlds biggest ego which is one of my many imperfections and its hard for me to apologize. I think it is even harder for people to realize that I am sincere and I do things on my own time. I dont react like everyone else does... i dont cry over spilled milk. I just keep to myself and think of the best way to clean it up and stop it from happening again.

so for the record... i'm truely sorry and will be more responsible with my choices. time to turn over a new leaf and do some DAMAGE! ( in a good way)

just a small hiatus

its been a while since my last blog. i always get on other people for not updating their blogs and there i go taking a century off right? lifes been a little stressful and some things have changed. along with those changes came a sense of who i am and how i can be towards others...

everyone is different and that's what makes us an amazing species. i def value individuality and try to embrace it. its hard when someone thinks that you are one way but you really dont mean to come across that way. for the record i cant help it. i am the way i am... the way that ive made people feel is out of my control and all i can do is keep that in mind when i'm around them. I'm perfectly normal ( in a sense). everyone has their flaws and bad habits... mines just may be my smart mouth. its all good and fun with me until someones feelings gets hurt tho. def not intentional ( well not until you get on my bad side).

so all and all, i'm in a good place right now. trying to make things happen and better myself and my relationships even if it means i have to turn on my filter and watch what i say. i can tone it down. it cant hurt to be nice for the sake of keeping good company around. :)

thinking of you...

during the night a little while ago, i'd wake up to music vidoes playing on the T.V (well actually cuz the heat was set to HELL and i couldnt breathe). Not too sure what channel... maybe VH1? anywho... they would play the same mix of music videos and i pretty much almost memorized what was HOT that particular week.

one video/ artist caught my eye. I've seen her before in videos much more up beat and less serious but THIS one song of hers really hit me. I've never stopped to realize how much i could relate to this song until it was like brutally beat into my memory until i woke up to change the channel. Katy Perry gets some shine on my blog.

Katy Perry - Thinking of you. Def my new jam of the week... ehh. maybe not week but it def fits my mood. the video isn't half bad either. she is actually pretty to me... which makes it easier to watch ( not that i am a lesbian but i can admit that some females are very pretty)...

her shoe by the way are killer... kinda reminding me of the pair i just bought. :)

my point is... listen to the song. Katy may have something on her album for you.

{my 2 fav lines}

"Comparisons are easily done

Once you've had a taste of perfection

Like an apple hanging from a tree

I picked the ripest one

I still got the seed"

"...How do I get better

Once I've had the best

You said there's

Tons of fish in the water

So the waters I will test"

on my scene

why? i'm the ^RULE and never the _EXCEPTION. I understand. thats all I do is understand. thats where i think i failing.
by no means do i think that my like for someone will conquer all but it def make me think twice. i have things that i look for and things i require in a guy but to call it sooo early is ridiculous to me. i can't stand that im so understanding and let things slide because i really believe, trust and have feelings for that person.
so for every person that doesnt meet my criteria in my box i must cut them out... i couldn't possibly take them seriously or consider myself being with them. thats how it goes now a days... I think i'ma keep doing what i'm doing tho. results haven't always been great or rewarding but why change it now? i can tweek a couple things here and there but i give chances. make mistakes. learn from them. some people are stuck in their ways & refuse to even see what they might be doing wrong... or how they might be hurting the other person. i'm not perfect but i try. its one thing to call someone inconsiderate when they themselves are a great example.

i hate to think that i wasted my time. my smiles. laughs & gas on someone. i hate to think that my point of view on things just wasnt good enough. never understood. your POV... trash. what i'm writing is trash to some... but its how i feel. by no means is this a man bashing post... its only OPINION.
i like u. liked ... ehhh? cant even call it now.
you make time for people that you want to see. simple. i know i do & i can. not a problem.

sometimes relationships get ill. hints the song* luv the roots.

bittersweet valentine

happy valentines day.

its always full of love, kisses, sex, candy, candles... blah blah blah. i hope all the lovers in the world found their happiness. on my way to finding mine i suppose i think you can never be 100% happy. maybe... its can be possible but so far not for a girl lke me. dont get me wrong i'm happy but golly can i be totally confused and fustrated. but nonetheless still happy... my face lights up and i have a glow but not as often as i'd like.

just some thoughts...

p.s i found my valentine in an unexpected place. well 3 places really... life cant be too bad. :)

i'm it... always

dont you hate it when you feel like you are always the problem? tell me about it. it's so unintentional its not even a joke. idk how my mind blanks out very specific important things to do... which in the end make me look a certain type of way that i hate! i'd like to believe that i'm a caring person but now i feel like my actions are portraying something else... someone else that i hope i did not turn out to be.
ehhh, i hate it. i dont like people being disappointed, upset, or just feel any type of way thats negative towards me. especially people i care about...

i hate it. i gotta like go to a self help workshop or something.

- besides that i hope to have a wonderful weekend. =)

marc & chloe

MARC JACOBS 'Kari' Quilted Satchel

( only available on preorder...)

MARC JACOBS 'Stam' Metallic Leather Satchel

( this just makes the classic even better)

Chloé 'Paddington' Leather Padlock Satchel

( i just love the color... yum)

bored. but this is what i dream of... :) :) :)

I'M IN LOVE :)

yup, i said it. i'm in ^love.

I WANT THEM NOW.

i love shoes. not soo much a funky crazy shoe but if its ME then its a must.

I AM WORTH A LOT

so i was actually having a discussion with this a certain someone about females and certain characteristics that they have. from this convo i've gained information at least from one perspective that black women are very stubborn and confrontational. they have bad attitudes and just problems with men in general. I tried to argue that if guys weren't such animals then MAYBE attitudes and such would change. but i didnt win that one. :( being submissive also was another thing brought up. I always thought i knew what that meant but i had to look it up again just to make sure i was even on the right track. 

submissive

inclined or willing to submit to orders or wishes of others or showing such inclination; "submissive servants"; "a submissive reply"; "replacing troublemakers with more submissive people"

hmmm... well for some reason that kind of bothers me in a sense. when looking this word up i found that when the source went to use it in a sentence they would relate it to a slave. i'm no slave or servant so maybe they should find another way to use that word in a sentence. i suppose that i would have to step foot in that "bin" and say that i have a problem with submissiveness because when I was, i got played. so its only natural that i women, especially black women, would have their guards up or have an issue with it. once the walls go down and people get comfortable things change. most times it goes from good to ok... then ok to bad... then bad to slashing tires. HAHA, i'm kiddin but you catch my drift. my point is that, while having this convo it reminded me of this little story my old roomie posted. it's very true. so enjoy.

"I AM WORTH A LOT"

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the

question "What kind of man are you looking for?" She sat quietly for a

moment before looking him in the eye and asking, "Do you really want to

know?" Reluctantly, he said, "Yes." She began to expound... "As a woman

in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for

me that I can't do for myself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my

household without the help of any man...or woman for that matter. I am

in the position to ask, "What can you bring to the table?"

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to

money. She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring

to money." "I need something more". "I need a man who is striving for

perfection in every aspect of life." He sat back in his chair, folded

his arms, and asked her to explain. She said, "I am looking for someone

who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and

mental stimulation." "I don't need a simple-minded man." "I am looking

for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don't

need to be unequally yoked...believers mixed with unbelievers is a

recipe for disaster." "I need a man who is striving for perfection

financially because I don't need a financial burden." "I am looking for

someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a

woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded." "I am looking for someone

who I can respect." "In order to be submissive, I must respect him." "I

cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business." "I

have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy." "God made

woman to be a helpmate for man." "I can't help a man if he can't help

himself." 

When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a

puzzled look on his face. He said, "You are asking a lot." She replied,

"I'm worth a lot."

25 randoms

25 randoms things... i mean i feel like if i dont do it i'll just be tagged until i go insane...

1. i love the color orange. i dont really wear it but if it's an option i'll get it
   

2. i think that the blackberry is arguably the BEST phone ever made (not a fan of the storm but its aight). I mean email, text, web and BBM !



3. I LOVE BBM!! ( if you dont know what it is, GET HIP)

4. i'm a dog lover.

5. hate seafood. can't eat it. dont want to eat it. i think crabs are stupid.
6. i love to see what my funeral would be like if i passed away. would people cry? who would be happy? what would someone want to tell me now that i'm dead that they couldn't tell me when i was alive.
7. i think kids are one of God's greatest gifts. i love being around them and teaching them . watching them grow, learn and develop life skills are so rewarding to me.


8. i think i'm def blessed physically. i think some girls are ugly and some are aight. I'll admit if i think a female is pretty but yeah... thats just me


9. i hate double standards and whoever made them up is chauvinistic fool.


10. i order cheesy bread and plain wings from dominios ALL THE TIME!


11. i hate my feet.


12. i want to get a long weave one day. i just want to try it but i'm scared people will notice OR it wont feel like my real hair.


13. i wish i was a phenomenal writer.


14. i secretly wish that i could trade in my light brown eyes for a singing voice. if i could sing i wouldn't even talk anymore, i would sing EVERYTHING!


15. i want a t.v show. the life of my friends and i are just too funny sometimes and sometimes it feels like the world is going to end but we'd be more relatable than THE HILLS and THE CITY put together. screw Baldwin Hills.


16. i'm not the favorite in my family.


17. i pray every night. sometimes i forget but i'm only human


18. i WILL get an Audi one day


19. i wish i could speak my nationalities languages, i feel like a failure sometimes because i can't really represent for my cultures.


20. im great with my hands. i love making things... love art class, painting, scarp booking and flower arranging.


21. when people pass away i feel bad because i want to ask someone who was close to them or who was there EXACTLY what happened. it's like i'm never satisfied with the answers they give.


22. i want a six pack. :)


23. i think no matter how a person looks everyone is most beautiful when they are smiling. I LOVE it.


24. i hate getting my eyebrows done because they will be fine for like a month then the bitch has to mess them up. when you mess with my eyebrows it hurts my heart! LITERALLY


25. i have a very sarcastic nature about me. i can't help it tho...

Victoria Secret representing for the HBCU

wtf? are you serious

its def official. Victoria secret now represents for the HBCU. not all but def some of the most popular ones. Howard, Hampton Institute, FAMU, Southern, and NC A & T. aint that some shit. after how many years FINALLY they give us something to wear. are they stupid? why didnt they hop on the HBCU train before. as woman we love VS in one way or another so really aint nothing new!

I THINK... i really and truly do think that Obama had something to do with it. I may be over thinking this but WATEVA MAN! we get a black president and all of a sudden you want to represent and give us an opportunity to show our school pride through your products? shut up. I suppose i wont complain tho. I love HU (the real HU) with all my heart and i'll rep it. so you can catch me @ Vickys for sure. ;)

no seriously, WTF is this? this is one of those pictures that you know you shouldnt be looking at but you can't stop trying to figure it out. MAN? WOMAN? BOTH?

^{( i so randomly found this when i googled the word "hmmm" )}

hmm... just maybe.

after this long @$$ weekend and some areas in my life being blown way out there, I've come to realize some things are just more important than others. maybe being the laid back person that i am can offend people but that's just me. when dealing with people in general its important to be yourself. not try to BE someone or something else. You are who you are and that's all you will be. I love that the people in my life understand me, my sass, the LOOKS and most of all my heart. my intentions are always good for anyone in my life.

these past couple of days have taught me a lot and has inspired some moderate changes. good ones though! I've been a little stuck in my ways when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex and that's because of what I've been through. so I'm not gonna jump the gun or get all mushy and shit cuz that ain't my style. for once tho... JUST THIS ONCE, I'm thinking a bit differently. although when this train of thought kicks in, I'm mostly always kicked right back into the DNSS realization that has taken over my life. life is too short to not try something new or give something even the least bit of the TINIEST chance. so maybe. just maybe. not all of THEM are the same. i can't totally call it right now but i'll just go with the flow. someone has me thinking that maybe one of THEM has me in their best interests and i like it.

DNSS - you figure it out.

had a wonderful day today besides the BS i'll sweep under the rug starting when my vent ends. i'm not too sure how or why this always happens. great girl, great guy... there is chemistry, great convo, physical attraction but its like pulling teeth to get together. I always put it like this, " you make time for people you want to see." not a bad saying. it's pretty much plain and simple truth. in my case I'll tell my girls this and can't see why they make that inital call. turn it around and look at me and what i'm doing... exactly what I tell them not to. Geez. With me i've always given the benefit of the doubt and I suppose that is where I am wrong. So should I just cut all that out now? I cant continue to categorize all guys because that's not my style but if I keep getting the same BS how can I not? it always goes them same way...

So I guess what i'm trying to say is that I'm going to have a new attitude ( or at least try). Not every guy is the same (in my case they always just get worse). Now more so than ever, it's time to be more selective and take less shit. I know what I want and I know it is out there. The more I continue to let things slide the more it will continue to happen. I'm not settling or being so "understanding" anymore. I'm a catch... so catch the hell up and get on my level. I've done some growing up and i'm getting better on communicating my feelings so there is now where to go but up from here. I'm not a ^pushover. I'm not that ^{ride or die chick.} I'm not a ^hoodrat. I'm not your ^{baby momma.} I'm not your ^nitecap and I ain't your ^{suga mamma}. It's not hard to make a phone call or send a text. everyone is busy. everyone has stuff to do. I dont believe that people are way too busy to send a text or make a call. it takes nothing but a second. now that i feel like i've wasted smiles, laughs and my precious time... i'm pretty much done.

btw, i had a great time @ outback. great food and good times. can't beat that. the 4 horsemen tho? Def. could have killed me but i'll be sure to step my game up next time so I can take it like the G I am. :)

When I stop to think about it, I could not even begin to imagine where this past year would have taken me. Where it has left me is in a better place. I have learned SO much from mistakes, chances and opportunities. I've learned about what kind of person I am and what kind of person I do not want to be. I've grown to realize what some of my passions are (other than LIFE itself) and what I want to do with my life. Over the years I've gone from a shy, insecure, indecisive girl to an opinionated, strong, beautiful young woman. I wouldn't take anything back from this past year because everything has made me stronger and more aware. I can honestly say that this year has brought me SO many wonderful people in my life. I wont even begin to name names because you already know who you are ((From sleepovers in Ft. Wash, PR, Lorton, RICHMOND, my tattoo, Philly... etc))) !! New friends to old friends, you all should know where you stand with me. I may not be the best at communicating or the most perfect friend but I try and I have everyone in my best interests.

I suppose this is just my reflection of 2008. I love everyone that has come into my life and made a difference whether you realize it or not. I'm truly blessed.