WORK WORK WORK

seems like all i do is work. my free time is so limited but i hate to plan things. I'm not much of a planner at all. I like to know the general diection of where my day will be spent... thats more than enough for me. i value my alone time a lot more now as well... some people dont understand that alone time is good! GREAT in fact!

i needed a job do badly and now that i have one, i feel like its killin my free time a little bit. i work straight weekends. catch be after 12am most nights... makes dating harder too. A FREE WEEKEND>>> more like a free tickets to invite some hunnies over. SMDH. guess this will weed out the sucky guys who think my work week is a free pass for the hunnies. i see why its so hard for police officers or firefighters to be in committed relationships. all this free time can make a person bored and curious. shit, my job has the abilty to make me curious everytime i clock in... shoot. LMBO but i gotta stay focused. make money and grab a drink after. sounds like a perfect night to me. hehe.

OH SNAP - i totally forgot Ciroc Red Berry is it and Coconut??? m u s t t r y a s a p

sold "as is"

I title this only because you just have to accept people for who and what they are... after an outing with my friends and hearing this and that I feel like my attitude toward friendships i handle more like a guy. i'm not with all the fussing and making sure we speak everyday... just know that i'm there whenever you need me... when i mean whenever i mean it. i wrote this blog after a night out on the town...
Man last night was a trip. I can't believe how fake some people can be. I def try not to become a part of the gossip that goes on between my friends. I try my hardest to stay mutual and in good standing with them. Its only right... Some of my friends I can always count on... Some I wish I counted on more because they are always there... I just don't see it. Others try to be but judge my every step... Then talk about me to others not realizing the only person they are hurting are themselves.
I'm a different kind of friend tho...I've def learned some things so I see thing differently. If I came down to it I would give the shirt off my back for one of my girls, even if they wouldn't for me! I would just hope that I'm not one of those people that seem intimidating in any way. Maybe that's not the word I'm looking for... I would hope people could come to be about anything. Its not always fun having to talk about something that someone did/does that's bothers you but its healthy and helps build a relationship. Although I know I haven't been taking my own advice 100% but its odd that everyone wants to claim to be "grown" but cant/don't handle situations as so... I guess that's part of "growing up"....

just a thought

so i'm posting this a day after i wrote it... i was happy where i was until i found out some shit. but you know when your with someone you still kinda maybe have thoughts about someone you cant really talk about. well these are those but...

I feel like I always start off my blogs with saying sooooo... Lol. I just do. Ima need to change that. Anywho... I've been thinking about this year and all that I have been through. People who I wanted to trust and couldn't, things I set out to do that never got accomplished... The workout plan that was supposed to make me into a total knockout... Haha. Some thing just don't work out. Some things you just have no control over and some you do... Especially guys. Ugh.
There is one guy that I feel like is one that I totally over looked, took for granted and lost for good. That sucks. I'm not really used to rejection... No one is but I didn't really get rejected I think. What happened was that I was dealing with him and someone else @ the same time... I thought that the person I met first was someone worth holding on to and although he was as well I kinda just put him on the back burner. What sucks about this is that guy #1 is a great guy but isn't really giving me what I want and or need. There are still unanswered questions and awkward moments that I don't really know how to solve or even if I want to. With guy #2... Where do I start? He is fine. Definition of TALL, DARK (yum) and HANDSOME... The perfect mix of nice, sexy, sweet, romantic, aggressive... Did I mention sexy. Ugh. How could I be soooooo dumb??!?!? Anywho... I guess what he said to me was that it seemed like I wanted something more serious than what he may have wanted @ the time... Totally wrong might I add. But he slowly backed away and made himself MIA until I confronted him about it... That hurt me. After he was gone of course I realized he was probably one of the best/total packages I had ever met... Although I feel like my husband, granted if I ever do get married, will be west indian but he was (still is ) the acception... Too bad I think about him all the damn time and run into his friends while I'm out. I just want to grab one of them and be like, "SPILL THE SCOOP MAN!! WTF HAPPENED??" That wouldn't work... It wouldn't help because I hate when people do that to me and ultimately it is his choice who he talks to...

kinda old stuff

this is from a couple weeks ago when i went to the MVA and DC Courts to get my DL back in full swing...

- phew. God is def good... I had to go to traffic court again today. I swear I've been "ridin dirty" like since forever. I'm a great driver tho. Never been in an accident... *knocks on wood* hopefully I won't ever be in one... But I like DC court system, they give you time to remedy the situation before they throw you in the slammer. Makes perfect sense to me. The guy that checked me in today was soooo nice and 1539539% helpful! Bless his soul. I could tell he loved his job too. I like pleasant people like that... unknowingly it makes other ppl around them happy...

i'mmmm bizzaccckk

wow. so i def haven't blogged in forever. eek. not good. since April... yikes. i think they should of canceled my account for that one. either way it feels great to be back and to have tons to write about. I wouldn't go as far to say that so much has changed but I can say that my perspective on things have changed... pretty much about love & relationships. for the better tho.
since April ive fallen back from some people and certain things. ive been blessed to meet some people who have been a great influence on me and that i can say will remain in my life for a long time. that always makes me feel good. reassures me i'm not that big of an asshole or that people can handle that part of me. I'm not gonna go on a blog rampage for the day cuz thats wack. trying . so i'll limit myself to 2 today.

turning over a new leaf

so i live by saying " learn from your mistakes"... but when you keep making the same ones over again and people just give you a slap on the hand, you aren't really learning much. I'm def guilty of that. Being the baby in the family kind of gives me some special right of passage to mess up and just be forgiven... or so i thought. Either way... I suppose i've run my passage into the ground and my customers aren't buying it anymore. I knew this day would come but i didnt know at what cost.
so i've managed to hurt people i love. I have the worlds biggest ego which is one of my many imperfections and its hard for me to apologize. I think it is even harder for people to realize that I am sincere and I do things on my own time. I dont react like everyone else does... i dont cry over spilled milk. I just keep to myself and think of the best way to clean it up and stop it from happening again.

so for the record... i'm truely sorry and will be more responsible with my choices. time to turn over a new leaf and do some DAMAGE! ( in a good way)

just a small hiatus

its been a while since my last blog. i always get on other people for not updating their blogs and there i go taking a century off right? lifes been a little stressful and some things have changed. along with those changes came a sense of who i am and how i can be towards others...

everyone is different and that's what makes us an amazing species. i def value individuality and try to embrace it. its hard when someone thinks that you are one way but you really dont mean to come across that way. for the record i cant help it. i am the way i am... the way that ive made people feel is out of my control and all i can do is keep that in mind when i'm around them. I'm perfectly normal ( in a sense). everyone has their flaws and bad habits... mines just may be my smart mouth. its all good and fun with me until someones feelings gets hurt tho. def not intentional ( well not until you get on my bad side).

so all and all, i'm in a good place right now. trying to make things happen and better myself and my relationships even if it means i have to turn on my filter and watch what i say. i can tone it down. it cant hurt to be nice for the sake of keeping good company around. :)